Silent sufferers of Domestic Violence

Most often we will come across atleast one article every month in some leading daily about the misuse of Domestic Violence by women. But the truth is for every case that comes to light, there are many other women in the background who chose to suffer in silence. I think sharing of personal experiences can break down a lot of media constructed myths about modern women.

The Domestic Violence Act protects women who are in a martial relationship or live-in relationship. It conveniently ignores other relationships outside marriage. So daughters are not protected against violence in their own birth place or mothers in their son’s house. I found this major loophole after i told my dad(he had slapped me (first and last time)) in my anger that i would file a DV complaint the next time he raised his hand. He didnt talk to me the next week but he has not raised his hand again.

Since I have never been married or been in a live-in relationship I cant give any first hand personal experience. But been close to many married women who have shared their tale of woes. I have closely watched women who suffer in silence,  been with them, felt their pain, their helplessness, noticed their shortcomings, their false sense of security. I have seen educated women who work as teachers who get hit by their husbands and lie outside that they got hit in the gym, rather than say that her husband threw the table at her.

In my neighbourhood I have seen sambar and the kadai fly cause the salt was a bit more, keerai poriyal thrown out of the house cause it was cooked on a Friday. A clerk comes home drunk late in the night and abuses his wife so loudly that the whole colony wakes up and watches.  A Professor who doesnt send his PhD in Chemistry wife to work. A Beautician who was a beauty, whose husband used to bang her head against the wall suspect her infidelity due to her beauty. A doctor who cut his wife’s long locks while she was drugged to sleep. I know too many tales of these kinds that i can fill up a whole page. I m not talking about emotional or sexual abuse here, just mentioning the physical abuse part.

The truth is all the above mentioned women are still in the same marriages. None of them have used the Domestic Violence act and come out of the living hell called marriage.

Women are easily intimidated by men, forced to stay in the marriage. A sheer show of physical strength is done by the man to make the wife silent. In most case men can’t stand a talking woman. When words are available why throw around things and intimidate a woman into silence. No real human will ever beat or emotional abuse another. He will know how to treat another human being with respect and love.

I know women who stay in violent marriages just because they have children, their children’s future seems more important to them than their own future. Women who say i would have killed myself if it had not been for my kid. Women who bear humiliation and torture so that their child gets a better morrow. Women who think what the society will think of them and do to them.  Women whose silence is hardly noticed, whose sacrifice hardly acknowledged. None of these women will walk out of their marriages. They are the silent sufferers.

Every face has a story to tell. Almost every women you know hides behind her facade, but her life story might have lots of pain and silent suffering. The maximum you can do is to listen to their stories, their pain and be a little more understanding. Share your stories to let the others know that they are not the only ones in pain, and that even if they walk out, they can live on their own, be happy and have an independent future.

Advertisement